Life is complicated,Mine is just crazy..

Watch your actions, for they become your habits…..

Didn’t get much sleep last night….I had way too much on my mind. I’ve been in such a funk of a mood for awhile, and it’s been hard for me to pull out of it. I think that the worst place anyone can be…is in their own head, and I’ve been in mine for way longer than I should ever be! BUT WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!? My life is going great! Of course it’s not perfect but for the most part….I have a life that would make some people say, “What the hell is there to even be down about??!!!??”… Im not rich but I have that all American type of family. I have the most amazing man in the world….who I will soon be marrying, and if there were ever a perfect person or perfect man….my fiancé would be that person. I have two very happy, healthy, and lovable babies…who make my world go round, and are who makes my heart beat. So why am I in this rut of a mood??? I still don’t really know but I’m doing whatever I have to to change it. But this morning I was reading my daily positive affirmations…..and I got to thinking…there have been a few changes in the way I’ve been viewing things, and with how much I’ve been in my head…I managed to turn some not so bad issues into something really negative….which have affected my daily life…my actions….and then in time those actions have turned into some negative habits. That’s the conclusion that I came too….so it’s changing the way I think and my outlook on all issues I will have to deal with, because that’s life. So first…I’m need to get out of my crazy ass head, and for two… I need to change how I think and look at things, and for three….I need to be more aware of how I am acting….because the habits that are created by our actions can go either way…and I don’t need any bad habits…..I just spent a lot of time working on old bad habits,and I’m sure as shit not going thru that hell again. I’ve worked so hard to get to this point in my life…. I’ll be damned if I screw it all up now. Okayyyyy…..there’s some venting for today! Now it’s time to put all my thoughts and words into action. It will get better.

Alesha xoxo 



If you even knew…..

I often wonder how different our society would be, if we were to see people in another way. For example: When you meet someone for the first time…the first thing you see is obviously that person’s outside appearance….that’s only in our human nature.  Yes, you will hear some people claim, that they see a person for who they are on the inside first, before ever looking at the the individuals outside appearance…. but I call bullshit on that one. We all have eyes and we are all human…unless of course your blind…but that’s a whole other discussion….but lets keep it real. In this world/society, we as human beings, naturally base our first opinion of the person whom we have just met, entirely on what we see with our eyes. And don’t get me wrong…that is not always a bad thing…My question is, how would our society be, if when meeting someone for the first time, we were only able to see them in a perspective far more different than what you or I are naturally used to…this means Our entire outlook on how we would perceive people would be completely opposite from how we do so today. What if we weren’t able to see  physical appearance until we met and got to know the person for  everything they were without seeing the physical. How would this change people? How would this change society in general?? For one, less people would judgemental, society would be more accepting of who people actually were, and more people could feel comfortable in their own skin knowing that they aren’t being judged…. There are so many people out there who carry around physical appearance baggage, from some of the storms they have had to endure…but in today’s society…people who carry around those big scares, are the first people who end up getting judged or treated differently because so many people are so ignorant….and don’t even think about what that person is going through, what emotional or physical battles that individual could be currently fighting…It makes me so angry when I see people judge other’s who look different then what society has labeled as normal.

Sometimes when I am out in the community, I am also often looked at differently. I look a little more rough around the edges than society likes to see I guess….but I have a past, and all this roughness tells a story….and most people who sit there and judge me…Have no idea what it’s like to go through everything that I have….and yet I still made it out alive….because I know for damn sure, that most of those snobby, prissy, and stuck up females…. would have died if they had to endure just half of my story….they might have even gone as far as killing themselves…just so they didn’t have to go through,what some of us with the biggest scars had to…and that’s just a part of our life…what people like us call “OUR STORY!”

So for those of you who are just like me and people judge you a little too soon based on physical appearance…. Don’t let that shit get you down or mess with your self esteem in anyway….Don’t ever be ashamed of who you are, where you come from, or What your story may tell. It’s stories like ours that help those types of people out….our stories help people…they could even inspire. Love yourself and love your life!



This is so complicated..

Why must life be so fucking difficult?? It’s literally like this: here is a bunch of bullshit that you got yourself into…now get your ass out of the mess…which you did, then months down the line, after you have been going so strong….life throws yet another fucked up curve ball. The question is…Do you swing and hope to hit it this curve…or do you swing  a strike??? Life can be so fucking confusing and sometimes I just want to crawl under my blanket, close my eyes, and imagine being that 4 year old girl again. Maybe then I would appreciate my younger youth life…and not push so hard for this adult type bullshit

Let’s see how this goes….

This is a first for me…..writing about anything that has to do with my life and sharing it for the world to see.  A year ago I would’ve probably cringed at the thought of a blog..I am usually a VERY private person…but today, I’m okay with this. First off…My spelling and grammar  are absolutely horrible, so if that is an issue for you…my blog probably isn’t the blog for you to read. This is my life: Past, Present, and the Future. This is real…this is raw…and this is how my crazy beautiful life goes… I’m writing this life blog in hopes that maybe my story may touch and help someone out there, who may have been through what I went through, or who is going through what I went through. It’s some crazy, scary, and intense stuff. And if I can help someone who is also going through the struggle, then this blog is well worth the time, effort, tears, flashbacks, PTSD, and everything else that goes hand in hand with what I went through. This is my life…..

But I am also here to offer some very positive encouragement….

Even thru all the hell, all the scary times, and in my darkest of days….I still fought and I would’ve fought until I just couldn’t put up the fight anymore. I was determined to survive….I was not about to be another statistic. I always would tell myself that I’m stronger than the average female. I could handle anything that was coming my way….I had to keep telling myself that because the second you become weak, is the second you lose all self control….and without your self control you will never survive. Self control is vital when it comes to trying to be as strong as you can just so you survive…self control helps to keep your hope and determination alive….so don’t give in…stay fighting. There are ways to come out of this… and coming out of this shit will be what saves your life. There is light at the end of the tunnel, just don’t ever lose sight of that light!!! Life will then become so much clearer, and you will finally be able to become that one person who have always thought of in your head….the person you so badly want to be…you learn how to become the happy, healthier you. And the life that you envisioned in your head, when you would ask yourself if there is more to life then what you’re living for. The happy life, where you can be who you want to be, and you can create the life that you want…because you’re finally free. And now it’s your time…the sky is the limit, and no matter what your past was like…you can still make this a great life. It’s what do you want?? And how bad do you want it? Because if you are anything like me….I wanted anything but the life I was living then. And once I was finally able to leave that dark dark place, I was able to see life….and I never ever looked back. It isn’t an easy road all of the time though, you will have tough times ahead of you…but that is life, and I think after everything I went thru and maybe you are too….we’ll be able to handle those tough times….just don’t forget where you once were…because you don’t have to be there anymore.  So I’ll try to post daily on what is happening in my life, what issues I may be facing, and even all the good things that continue to happen. I’ll also post about the emotional battles I still face, and how my past has left me with some issues that I will forever have to live with….but it will get better…in time it will all get better. I hope my past story and my future story will help at least one person…and I hope that one person stays strong…and never ever gives up!

Here we Go!



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